Well well well, if it’s not my paranoid conscious mind projecting it’s fears on to my subconscious mind.

For the past one year I’ve been constantly having nightmares. I have difficulty sleeping for long duration, usually I wake up in the middle of the night or sometimes several times a night. I don’t how to explain but I feel a little out of place in my life.

Last year wasn’t one of my best years to be honest, I wasn’t myself, low self-esteem, and my tendency to people please was all time high. As a result I started hating myself more, because since I wasn’t myself and also I was trying so hard, I was attracting the wrong kind of people in my life.

This is my biggest regret, because I compromised my mental health and values by having these people in my life just because I didn’t want to be lonely. So I lost respect for myself, and believe me it’s miserable having to live like that.

All these things haunt me at night, all the things I should have said, all those times I didn’t stand up for what I believe in, all the things I ignored when I shouldn’t have.

Now I can’t completely cut them off immediately but I have learnt that I need to detach my self emotionally from them. I have taken my first step and reduced my interactions with them. I am learning how to set boundaries and reduce my dependence on them.

A video that helped me understand all this was that of Nathaniel Drew, he explained how the overrated advice of “be yourself” has much more deeper meaning and impact on our lives.

All I want to say is that don’t try to be something you are not just to keep certain people in your life, and from my experience I can tell you that, it’s definitely not worth it.

P.S I am planning to post some storytimes on my blog next. So umm… stick around if you love storytimes.