Author: Anamika

I feel a little too much in a world that feels too little

Starting afresh

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Honestly I started this blog as a personal dairy where I’d share my thoughts, experiences and just life things in general. I’ve always loved reading personal blogs where a person writes about their day, their jobs and such stuff. Some people might find it boring and mundane but I for one love it.

It’s a form of escapism I guess where I am trying to forget my problems.

I suffer from anxiety and I wanted to share my stories here without the fear of being judged, but instead I became even more conscious about my blog posts. I kept on re-reading them again and again just to make sure I don’t make a fool out of myself, tried to make them as perfect as possible finding the perfect picture for the blog and never being satisfied with the title. All this became exhausting and it started to feel like my school assignments which I hated btw.

This is how I have been living my whole life. I take things way too seriously and never actually enjoy anything.

I love to write because I can express my self better in writing than oral communication, but because I was stressing about my posts being perfect, it just sucked the fun out of it. So I started procrastinating in order to avoid it. That made me feel even worse

#Millenniallifecrisis is my inspiration, she’s funny, sarcastic and intelligent. I love to read her posts, it’s so personal and her stories are really entertaining.

I’ve just started blogging I don’t know a lot about it. I want to write about things that make me happy and not force my self to write about certain topics just to get views.

One thing I can tell for sure is that I am going to keep this blog simple and raw. I am going to talk about how I survived my college years with general anxiety and social anxiety. Things I learned about people, friendships and lot more.

Also I am a sucker for good artwork be it movies, books or music videos, so you can expect one or two appreciation posts.

I hope you guys would want to be a part of this journey with me. If yes please do follow me and press that like button, its always nice to get some validation 🙂

Okay so that’s it for now, hope to see you for my next post, byeee ❤

One epic life

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To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist, that is all.
– Oscar wilde

Yeah that’s right, I am one of those ‘most people‘ Oscar Wilde is talking about. I live my dream life in my head but lack the courage to chase after it. Most of you must know at least one person who sticks with the safest route, avoids trying anything new, gets severe anxiety in unfamiliar situations, that’s exactly how I live or rather exist. I’ve never actually lived my life only survived it.

This monotonous routine often makes me depressed and question my existence.I lay in my bed at night regretting every opportunity I missed. Living with regret is the worst feeling ever and to make things worse my brain is constantly churning out ‘what if’ scenarios.

What if I hadn’t backed out from that trip? What if I had appeared for that competitive exam I spent a year preparing for? What if I hadn’t chickened out from a conversation with my crush?  (well that’s an embarrassing story for another time) Ughh! I don’t know what would have happened if, but all I know it was worth taking the risk.

I stuck with safe options because I thought nothing would ever go wrong. My perspective changed when I met my now best friend.

Her personality is exact opposite of mine. She is spontaneous, cheerful, extroverted and has very little regrets in life. In one of our deep conversation sessions she said one thing that stuck with me “we take decisions thinking they are right, wanting them to be right but  it’s beyond our control to have predicted the end result” A weight was lifted off my chest. All my life I was obsessed with being perfect, waiting for the perfect moment to do stuff so that nothing goes wrong. But what I didn’t realize was that, even safe options fail so might as well take that risk.

Now I know that there’s a whole world with endless possibilities waiting for me, there’s so much I haven’t seen or experienced, great cities, their culture, art, food, music and yes of course people. Maybe I’ll meet a lot of interesting ones who’ll completely change my perspective on certain matters, some of them may become life lessons and perhaps a few of them will stay in my life forever. 

You might think that these are just things I hope and wish would happen. Well life is anything but predictable that doesn’t mean we can’t hope for a better tomorrow, after all, hopes and dreams are what keeps us going.

It’s just one life, just one, so make sure it’s an epic one.

How I met my dog

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Although I’ve always been a dog lover, I have never had one as a pet before. My sister and I would practically beg our parents for a pet dog. Dad was some what inclined to get one, but my mom was not very pleased with the idea. She thought we wouldn’t take care of the dog and ultimately all the responsibilities would fall on her.

I mean we can’t blame mom though, because as kids we were not the responsible type, and she already had too much on her plate.
So we tried to understand and stopped pestering our parents for a dog

Now flashforward to time when a mama dog gave birth to four puppies in our neighborhood, four adorable fur babies. Barring a few most of our neighbors liked dogs,some even fed them and also made them a bed with old blankets.
Very soon most of them got adopted and found forever homes, except for one. Well she was different from the rest of them, she was smaller and was terrified of people unlike her siblings who loved being the center of attraction, maybe that’s why she never got adopted I guess.

We would feed the mama dog and the pup every night. The pup gradually warmed up to us. Well this went on for six months, my sister and I  played with the pup fed her & her mom every night. On one such when we were looking for the mama dog to feed them only the pup came out, the mama was no where to be seen, also I hadn’t seen her all day. Now I was starting to get a little worried but still, I fed the pup and went back home. I thought she’d return late at night to her pup.

The next day again there was no sign of the mama dog and pup was really scared to even come out for food. The pup came closer to me shivering and whining, I think she was calling for her mom, I teared up, I couldn’t see her like this.

Later that evening one of our neighbors told my mom that a dog met with an accident in front of his shop last night and maybe that was this pup’s mother.
I cried myself to sleep that night.

Well the next morning I woke up with a terrible headache and shitty mood. After finishing breakfast I was mindlessly switching channels on TV when my mom came out of the kitchen and she said and I quote “you know what let’s take her in” It took me some time to register what mom said.

Well what followed was that we gave the pup a bath, mom and dad took her to a vet and got her vaccinated and brought her home.

And that’s how I met my dog six years ago. Honestly I think she was destined to be a part of our family.

Finding the calm in the chaos

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Credits: Unsplash

If you have watched the sky just minutes before sunset, then we can agree without a doubt that it is the epitome of beauty. Being in the presence of one of nature’s masterpieces, has helped in calming my anxious mind. I can’t stop but admire the beautiful mix of colours lighting up the sky.

I’ve always enjoyed simply sitting back and observing, people going about their lives, animals doing their thing, birds flying ever so high with not a care in the world and the glorious sunset. Ahh! miss those good old days.

Gradually it became difficult to find time for my favorite pastime. Life just got busy, and I didn’t even realize it. Traveling to and fro from university would be the only time I was free, but traveling in crowded bus didn’t really help.

This pandemic struck the world out of the blue and just like that there was so much uncertainty everywhere. I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen next and let’s just say my anxiety went from bad to worse. Having  dealt with anxiety on a daily basis, I realized that it really helps to have a proper plan about anything and everything.
But now those plans have become impractical. All of a sudden I have too much free time and not much to do.

That’s when I rediscovered my favorite old hobby. Every evening I would go onto the terrace and watch how the sky would explode into beautiful shades of colours just minutes before the sunset, birds flying back to their nests, few people walking their dogs, roads being almost deserted, trees casually swaying with the wind and and above all there was this alluring silence. Something I haven’t felt in ages, silence. We live in a world that is constantly in motion. So naturally I  became accustomed to the constant chaos around me. All this definitely took a toll on my mental health and unkowningly I left it unchecked all this while. Ultimately it lead to a burnout.

One good thing that came out of this quarantine is that I learnt my lesson, it’s very important to take a break from this busy lives that we lead, recharge our mental as well as emotional health, because at the end of the day we are humans and not robots. The irony is that it took a pandemic for me to focus on my mental health.

About me

Published on by Anamika2 Comments

I am just another accidental adult navigating through this maze of life. A little overwhelmed with all the newly added responsibilities and a new job, but nonetheless enjoying the process of starting a new life.

Although not great at conversations, I love listening to people their unique stories and experiences. Some of these experiences become life lessons for me and sometimes it’s comforting to know that I am not alone.

Art has a special place in my heart, be it painting, theater, books or music. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that they add meaning to my existence.

I am on a journey of discovering myself,  accepting my flaws and not being insecure about it. I am also hoping somewhere in this journey I find a passion that will consume my soul.