I was going through some of the old chats in my phone and I realized I haven’t been in touch with my high school friends for months now. We used to be inseparable in school. We did everything together, learned about new stuff, great experiences, went through puberty, being each other’s cheerleaders, I mean we’ve been through a lot of shit together. But now even starting a conversation with them is a little awkward.

I get it that we chose different paths after school, but I always pictured us to maintain the BFF (Best Friends Forever) bond that we always bragged about.

I don’t know if it’s relatable but it really hurts to see people that were once so important to me, doing just fine without me. It made me question my worth, like am I that replaceable?

It took me a while to adjust in college, meeting new people & socializing just fueled my social anxiety. As you get older, making friends becomes significantly difficult at least that was my experience.

While I was struggling in college, my friend’s instagram stories made it worse and I felt left out. Well I’ll admit I was being childish and was most certainly projecting my fears. But these rational thoughts didn’t help me feel any better.

I was happy for them, but I feared that we’d drift apart. And my fears came true. In the beginning we’d update about our respective lives on our group chat, gradually it started to reduce, we’d text regularly but not as much. We planned to meet at least once in 2 months since we are in the same city, well that reduced to meeting on each other’s birthday.

Well now we don’t really meet on birthdays either, but do text each other sometimes.

I have accepted that this is life, it’s about my journey. I am grateful that I met them, things they taught me, the memories we made. All that helped me evolve as a person.

But it also taught me that relationships have to flow naturally, I cannot hold on to something just because we have history. They were a part of my childhood, it was beautiful but then we grew up and that’s how it is.

There’s no love lost though, even if we aren’t in contact as much I still do love them but I have to let go.